8 Signs You're Too "Busy" and How To Slow Down.

Today I read an Instagram post by a sister, @theorganizedhomemaker. She was sharing how she was caring for her husband who'd been in a car accident and just had surgery. She was also having the floors done in her home and as you can imagine everything was everywhere. Because her husband was immobile, she was responsible for getting everything moved--and everything was A LOT! I was tired just reading it. I was so happy to see in a follow up post that she decided to postpone the remodeling for a few days and practice self-care. I told her how happy I was that she did that and she said that she had to because she'd hit the wall.

What's heartbreaking is how many of us hit the wall and yet we keep going. Her act of self care warmed my heart.

Do you also find yourself consistently swamped with work? That you can't catch up to your ever growing to-do list? Always find yourself canceling plans with family and friends?

Busy can be a source of pride and well-being for some, especially when busy with something they enjoy. For others, busyness is overwhelming. Between your to do list and people in your life depending on you, you wonder if you will ever have the time to manage it all. It's exhausting and can inevitably harm your physical, emotional, mental and spiritual health. Of course, for some, busyness is survival--they have to work 2-3 jobs, care for relatives, etc. I'm speaking to those for whom being endlessly busy is often a personal choice. Unless it's survival, rarely is someone making us take on all the responsibilities that we do. I believe most of us know that this driven behavior is counter productive. What's the saying, 'work smarter, not harder. You know you can do better but you're caught chasing the ever elusive 'someday', when I have time' excuse that you tell yourself.

So why are people constantly busy? Here are some possible reasons people have become addicted to being busy.

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1. YOU DON'T HAVE A GOOD NO

My definition is "because yoU said yes!"

We're often busy, even when we are not supposed to be, because we don't know how to say no.

Many people are uncomfortable saying no when their time is requested. Especially when it involves someone or something you care about. Many people think that declining a request for their time makes them appear as though they are not caring or hardworking. Others equate time with love. Giving your time under those conditions becomes an obligation and will eventually lead to resentment. Since most people dislike confrontation, they avoid it, even at their own expense.

One of the best ways to give a good no is to be straightforward. Don't want to do it? Simply tell them no, you won't be able to. Period. If saying no is problematic for you, try this: when asked for your time, don't give an automatic yes. Let them know you'll get back to them after you check your schedule, with your spouse, etc. Or, simply let them know you don't have room for anything additional on your schedule. It's better for everyone when we are clear and honest, as opposed to saying yes and then cancelling when they are depending on you.

2. You Feel Guilty About Not Doing Any Work

American culture pushes the belief that the more you work, the more you are valued. As a result, we experience pressure to do constantly produce. Many people feel that if they are not working they will be perceived as lazy, slacking off and/or not doing enough. Much of this is ingrained in the culture and promoted in our homes. For Black people we were brought to these shores exclusively for our labor. On top of that the we also lazy is attached to us too. We unconsciously overwork for fear of being labelled a slouch

This drives people to spend hours on their job and constantly busy. My mother couldn't rest at all. She stayed busy with one task or another. If she wasn't busy she didn't feel comfortable, even though she'd wish aloud that she had free time. For some, if they are not involved in some kind of task, they feel uncomfortable.

3. You tend to compare yourself with others I'm sure comparison existed pre-social media, but it's existence has definitely heightened it. I'm talking about measuring yourself against others, on and off social media. You secretly become jealous of your friends, even people you don't know, because they are doing “better” or moving ahead faster than you.

This mindset makes life a competition, and everyone is your opponent. If you feel as if you are continually fighting, eventually it takes a toll on your overall well being.

Focus on being your best self. Make your only competition your former self. This energy will attractive positivity into your life. And trust me, you'll be more productive when you're not always looking around and back.

4. You use busyness as an escape tactic Occupying your entire time with tasks can also be a way to avoid difficult problems in your life, such as family issues, financial problems, stress in personal relationships, etc. You fill every minute with 'busy work' in order to avoid unpleasant negative emotions. People will advise you to lose yourself in your work to get over a break up or disappointment. Busyness is not a healthy coping strategy. Find healthier outlets, like time in nature, with friends, and doing something that nourishes you.

5. It's a point of pride for you Some people think if they show people that are always 'booked and busy', that it is a positive reflection of their self worth. They believe that others will admire and want to be like them. Putting yourself in that position gives a false sense of self esteem and pride. It also generates an adrenaline rush that leads to an addiction to busyness. There is a stress tax that eventually has to be paid when you're operating from that space.

6. You think relaxing is a waste of time

Work is a religion in this society. Many women who are used to being busy all the time are terrible at relaxing. They tend to feel nervous and ashamed. Especially now that there are so many people unemployed, you can feel guilty if not working.

So many women are uncomfortable with time on their hands. How many of you know women who never take days off, or vacations, unless forced? They don't know what to do if every hour isn't filled. They fiddle around until they find something, anything, whether it's tasks around the house, or taking on my at work and working overtime.

Being over-committed is a sure sign that you are out of balance and in the danger zone. If you suspect that your busy schedule is taking a toll on you, or if other people are complaining that you are TOO busy, listen. Give yourself a break. Also, build breaks into your daily/weekly schedule.

7. You don't have time for family and friends. Are you the relative that always arrives late and leaves early to functions because of work obligations? Are you always thinking about the next thing you have to do when you are with them?

Not being mentally present is as bad as not being there. It makes the other feel as unloved, and unimportant. We've all experienced being on the receiving end of someone's divided attention. Doesn't feel good, does it?

If you can’t spend time in your life with the most important people without constantly checking your watch, then it’s a clear sign of being addicted to being busy.

8. You go to sleep exhausted and wake up exhausted Sleep is for recovery and repair. If you are as tired when you wake up as you are when you laid down, you are taxing your system. Morning fatigue is a clear indicator that you are overworking your system. You may have gone to bed early and shut your eyes, but your busy mind will not shut.

Eventually something's going to have to give, and that something will be you. If you can’t sleep at night because you are constantly thinking about all the things you have to do, you are definitely addicted to being busy.

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Can you identify with one or more of these signs? Then chances are you've got the BUSY disease. Thankfully, there is a cure. Do you ever set aside time in your day or a day in your week rest and relaxation. A time where you put down your devices for a bit and breathe.

What is one small step you can take this week to rest? Whatever it is, do that. Start by writing a simple prayer asking God to help you set aside time just to rest.

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