Life In The Fifties Lane*

Sometimes, being over fifty isn’t fabulous. It’s frightening.

The changes in my life and body scared me.

My fifties were radically different than my previous decades. Never one to shy away from my age, I embraced all of them for the different experiences and energies they brought. However, my 50s were a game changer. During the last decade I lost friends, my job, my money, my health insurance, my city, my relationship, both my sister and her son, my mother — and some of my mind. I was ‘homeless’ and unwell. Menopause hit me like a truck. It was one. thing. after. another. Heart palpitations, vertigo, thinning hair, weight gain. I didn't recognize myself. Stunned at each turn, I couldn’t catch my breath. It didn’t help that when I went on social media, it seemed as if everyone in their 50s looked like a cross between Angela Bassett and Halle Berry. They were traveling to exotic ports, opening businesses, driving convertibles and talking about style over 50.

That was NOT my reality. I was trying to hold onto my hair and my mind. My clothing ‘style’ was pants with elastic waistbands, flats or kitten heels, all while managing mood swings. What happened, I asked myself? I used to be cute! On top of all that, not only did I believe that I’d peaked — career wise and every other way — I also felt lonely. It seemed the ‘world’ had shifted. My age group was now either erased from the social conversation, or dying, The deaths of Michael Jackson and Prince were earth-shaking reminders of a childhood lost, and the world was now millennial centric. I’m not mad, millennials are on point! However, my generation is still here, and we too deserve to be seen and heard--ALL of us.

Finally, around 56, I caught my second wind. I began to embrace this peri-menopausal rite of passage. Menopause, no matter how traumatic and confusing it can be, if you're still alive at the end and most of us are, it's a game changer. Once I caught my breath and realized I'm still here and there's a lot of life left for me to live, I was invigorated. I became fixated on designing my life, now just occupying it. Your fifties are a great vantage point. You can see where you’ve been while also seeing there are more years ahead than you’d thought. Hopefully, those decades will be used to accommodate this new self you’re becoming.

I love the term ‘#perennial’ to describe this season. Ageless. Ever-blooming and aspiring for more. According to Gina Pell “Midlife doesn’t have to be a crisis. And you don’t have to be a number anymore. You’re relevant. You’re ever blooming. You’re perennial.”

This decade has been midwife to my rebirth. And labor, of any kind, is work! Now, headed into this decade a newly minted 6.0, I’ve redefined selfish and founded The S.H.E aka The Self Healing Experience. I've put away the belief that it's my job to put out the fire in your house, when my own is on fire.

My healing is in my hands. It feels good giving the love and care I give to others to myself.

Unless black women begin to make our health, and our well-being, a central priority,

We cannot begin to develop lifestyles that enhance our lives.

This is not a simple task, but it is a rewarding one.

Bell Hooks, Sisters of the Yam: Black Women and Self-Recovery

Life In The Fifties Lane was, at least for me, a beast! I’m glad I found the humor and the light.

I look forward to the next decade and being the full time caregiver to me, myself and I. To becoming the woman I've forgotten and never been.

My intention is to make my dreams/visions/goals so big I have to reinvent myself to meet them. Leaving my comfort zone in 5-4-3-2....

Slowly and surely I'm reclaiming my fly. However, If I see/hear one more person say how FABULOUS it all is, I’ll choke someone! UGH! How have your fifties treated you?

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*updated from original article published in Medium