The Headache that Saved My Life
- Feb 6, 2022
- 7 min read
Updated: Feb 6, 2022
I woke up with a headache…
Obsessed with the work I loved, and trying to meet a deadline, I ignored it…for days.
I ignored ALL the warning signs hoping they would go away because well, I had work to do! People needed me!
See, it's easy to think you are not overworking or burned out when you actually like what you are doing. For two decades I was the full time, 60 hours, 6 days a week, head of Women's Ministry for a large Baptist church in Brooklyn, NY. I was responsible for providing programming for 1000 women and girls. Proving prayer, guidance finding resources for real life issues such as: domestic violence, sexual abuse and rape, homelessness, unemployment, financial instability, marriage, sexuality, infertility, motherhood, AIDS, and everything else that women deal with.
Having a spiritual life isn't just about church on Sunday and choir practice.
Having a spiritual life means dealing with all life brings from a spiritual prospective.
I also managed the day to day operations and supervised two full time staff members and 75 + volunteers. Oh yes, I also had a second job--I know, I know-- Parent Coordinator for a Young Black Male Rites of Passage program.
When the headache hit, I was working my regular job and putting the last minute touches to the youth org retreat, our first.
Needless to say I was stretched to the limit.
I also thought I was a SUPERWOMAN.
Next thing I know I was on a STRETCHER being wheeled into the ER
That nagging headache? I almost stroked out!
Paralyzed on my entire right side, unable to see, my blood pressure was sky-high. I didn't have a history of High Blood Pressure and when the EMT asked me if my job was stressful, I broke down in tears. It was the first time I admitted that while I loved what I did, it was stressful.
After a 3-day hospital stay, I begged the doctors to release me early so that I could go to President Obama's first inauguration, by BUS, in DC, during a blizzard.
I know, I know...
I did go and returned safely. I remember the looks of the parents I was traveling with. They were giving me the same looks I give people who DO TOO MUCH. Fortunately I was able to recuperate for 8 weeks at home.
It was then I decided I needed to change my life. I knew this was a huge wake up call, far beyond a warning shot, and I needed to get smart.
I used that time to examine my life and make small but significant changes to my work habits: leaving on time, taking my lunch hour, plus no overtime, or bringing work home.
I discovered my home was actually pretty great. Unfortunately, I’d only been using it as a place to sleep and change clothes!
I was that person who slept with my laptop in the bed.
I was the boss who sent out 5:00 AM emails that you'd get as soon as you turned on your computer.
I was the boss waiting for you when you walked in, and
I was the boss who locked up after everyone had left.
A year later, even after making those significant changes, and after 20 years of service to women and girls, I quit my job! Not an easy decision but,
when God says move, I move.
For decades I'd moved in survival mode, stopping only when physically incapacitated.
The longest I'd ever slowed down was after having a hysterectomy, a decade prior, but even then, after my recovery, I hit the ground running yet again.
To this day, whenever I think of Black women's busyness, the image of us being chased comes to mind. What, or who, are we running from?
I was in need of both physical and spiritual healing. I knew it was time for my next assignment. But what to do? Where to go? I'M 50!!!! [insert scream emoji]
For a long while I felt lost, then Spirit told me to sit in nature and listen.
That was over a decade ago. I embarked on a healing and spiritual journey, finally discovering how to hear God for myself instead of filtering my faith through the beliefs of others. I:
Cut my hair
Returned to therapy and school
Cooked healthy meals for myself
Established self-care rituals
Worked out consistently
Prayed, meditated, wrote in my journal daily.
Caught up on years of sleep
I started a wellness and life coaching practice teaching women how to maximize their time, clear clutter, and prioritize their total well-being.
Three years later I was on the move again. In April, Spirit nudged me to leave my beloved hometown of Brooklyn, and 2 months later I was headed to Atlanta, where my son and his wife resided.
I didn’t know it then, but God had a plan for my life. For 2 years after leaving the Church I was full-time caregiver for my mom, who lived with Alzheimer's and Parkinson's. At age 98, she transitioned 5 months before my granddaughter, Brooklyn, was born. When Brooklyn arrived, her face stamped with my mothers face. After years of infertility, my son and wife became pregnant with the first of three grandchildren who came in quick succession--all preemies. I became their full time caretaker--best job I've ever! Along with living in the South surrounded by trees, nature, It was the medicine I didn't know I needed. Their love healed me, unveiling a depth of love within me I didn't know I had.
I had to literally save my own life.
I had to:
choose to live
quit my job
move to another state
sit still, listen and heal
All after turning 50, AND while being peri-menopausal! Ha!
When I talk about the importance of rest, it's not because it's the new thing. It's because resting one of the tools in my medicine bag that keep me above ground.
I still take medicine for High Blood Pressure, I have to. I know what to do to get off them, but I don't always listen to myself. That episode, and others over the years, terrified me. I still have white coat syndrome--a situation where some people find that their blood pressure is normal at home, but rises slightly when they're at the doctor. But Lord knows, I'm better now--in all ways. My well-being rituals, habits and practices anchor me. Over the years, it's been touch and go, but I'm still here.
I may not be a superwoman, but I know that I'm a goddess! And now I am moving into the next season of my life. While I know some of it involves
re-opening my Spiritual Direction practice, teaching and writing-- I'm excited to see how it all unfolds. God is wonder-full
My Message: STOP PLAYING RUSSIAN ROULETTE WITH YOUR LIFE!
I had warning signs long before that headache. I know I did. It's just I was moving too fast to feel or heed them.
I know I'm not alone.
Stop making up stories about what is truly going on with you. The truth will heal you.
Design a life that works for you. Reclaim your time. Choose yourself this time.
Remember, you can physically feel and look good and be in a critical state. There will always be that one straw that will break the came's back.
You are the altar. You are holy. Choose life and live; live well.
I have three favorite healing quotes. There are more, but I'll share these today: "Healing is Holy. It's Wholeness. It's a return to the remembrance of who you really are."
Deepak Chopra The other is a scripture a sister-friend Renee would always quote,
"heal me and I shall be healed, save me and I shall be saved, for thou are my praise." Jeremiah 17:14
And my signature scripture comes from the Book of Deuteronomy 30: 11-20. A scripture I've personally seen transform the lives of many, including mine:
The Offer of Life or Death
11 Now what I am commanding you today is not too difficult for you or beyond your reach. 12 It is not up in heaven, so that you have to ask, “Who will ascend into heaven to get it and proclaim it to us so we may obey it?” 13 Nor is it beyond the sea, so that you have to ask, “Who will cross the sea to get it and proclaim it to us so we may obey it?” 14 No, the word is very near you; it is in your mouth and in your heart so you may obey it.
15 See, I set before you today life and prosperity, death and destruction. 16 For I command you today to love the Lord your God, to walk in obedience to him, and to keep his commands, decrees and laws; then you will live and increase, and the Lord your God will bless you in the land you are entering to possess.
17 But if your heart turns away and you are not obedient, and if you are drawn away to bow down to other gods and worship them, 18 I declare to you this day that you will certainly be destroyed. You will not live long in the land you are crossing the Jordan to enter and possess.
19 This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live 20 and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the Lord is your life, and he will give you many years in the land he swore to give to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.
Yes, my sister, Choose Life!
Ki NOTE You can't control time, but you can change your relationship with time. The more actively we can accept and embrace our limited time, the easier it becomes to spend our time on what matters most to us. You don’t have to live with overwhelm, procrastination, illness, and exhaustion. I’m passionate about sharing all things planning, home organization, seasonal Living and REST! As I document my journey through my passions, I hope it inspires you to plan and do that which will bring you peace and joy. If you received this, and are interested in exploring more, email me to schedule a free consult.
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